Survived another year!

Sometimes we forgot to celebrate and smile about the things we have achieved. We can get lost in the business of life, here’s a few photos to remind me of 2017.

Some top moments –

My fiancé finally had his spinal operation and now he’s recovered.

We saw Ed Sheeran live at O2 London.

I got a new Job in an area I love and I’m pushing myself to achieve new things and grow out of my comfort zone.

I did more art, drawing, painting, used drawing inks for the first time started a new personal sketchbook ✏️

I strived to spend more time in nature and enjoyed the autumn leaves immensely. Watched lots of sunsets in our favourite spot. I also got into plants again and plight myself a rubber plant!

We focused on healthy eating together for health reasons and enjoyed discovering new recipes and food we love. Started eating raw tomatoes even though I don’t really like them to prove s point to myself. Pictured; banana and honey on whole grain bread, carrot sticks and a ham Tortilla.

Continued finding new ways to practice self care including burning some lovely scented candles from my sister, the gentle glow fairy lights, walks and blowing bubbles.

Enjoyed many a drive and adventure in our beautiful BMW 3 series e90 in graphite grey and had fun cleaning her and taking photos of her.

Bought (and Nathan bought me) and wore some new clothes that I normally wouldn’t have the confidence to and painted my nails for the first time in ages. Yay for dungarees and my bright yellow raincoat. 💛 Also got some good use out of my trusty old dock martens.

Made more friends with some incredibly inspiring people from the wonderful mental health community of twitter and Instagram.

Sent an anonymous and very direct text to a guy who was discriminating against someone for her mental health and it led to him apologising to her (that felt good)

Finally became the proud owner of a pride flag 🏳️‍🌈

Kept moving forward every day with the love and support of my friends, family and wonderful partner. Spoke openly about my mental health to many people, Tried new medications, new counsellors and proved to myself that no feeling is final and I can survive this illness.

Nathan bought me a baby Eeyore because he’s just so cute I had to carry him around Tesco and pretend he was alive whilst waiting for my prescription! 😂

Also saw lots of wonderful posts online about body positivity and self love.

I am worthy. I am beautiful. I can do this.

Thoughts on recovery

I don’t know if it’s because I’m having a positive day anyway or my new meds are making me feel good or maybe it’s because I like Valentine’s Day as it’s an excuse to be extra caring and supportive and let people know they are loved. 

But I am feeling so good today ❤️

It’s Valentine’s Day, which I don’t really support in the consumerist and overpriced sense. I won’t be buying traditional gifts of any atall and we defiantly won’t be paying extra to go out for a meal on a busy and overcrowded night. (This could be partly due to my anxiety) Most importantly I don’t believe that real, true love needs to be defined by a day, by society or by anyone else’s standards. Love is such an intimate and subjective thing, it’s different for everyone and shouldn’t be judged with what you do on one day of the whole year or how many roses you get 😂 

I believe that we should all spend more time learning and trying to appreciable the positives, the beautiful things and everything we have to be grateful for every day ✨

Valentine’s Day should be SHARE THE LOVE DAY with an abundance of kindness, open minds, supportive words and understanding ❤️💛💚💙💜💖

I also think there should be a day dedicated to loving ourselves and self care, since it’s such an Important thing,  especially in relation to mental health 🙌🏼

I am in the exact same situation that I was in a few weeks ago when I was having a really low period but  today on seeing it in a much better light. 

I don’t have a good job or a big paycheck, I haven’t been abroad for 2 years, I don’t have expensive branded clothes, I’m still living with parents. I’m still learning to manage my mental health and so I only work 16 hours and mine is the only paycheck, we can’t save money at the moment. My partner is soon to have an open back surgery and then I will be supporting him with his recovery.  I’m not in the same position of some people in my year or even younger than me who are buying houses and having babies already. Although I look at them sometimes and long to be in the place they are, and to enjoy those experiences. 

I can say that I am lucky for all I have. I have found a loving partner who supports me in my anxiety and depression on my bad days and loves me on my good days. We are lucky to have family who have let us stay in room in their home, I’ve spent a lot of time with some wonderful new friends recently, I’ve ridden on a Subaru for the first time, I’ve had loads of really nice cuddles, I’ve spent time with my friends beautiful little boys and so on. 

I’m feeling grateful for all of these things ⭐️

Maybe part of recovery is being able to truly appreciate the good days and all the positives even though you know there are still struggles ahead and not being afraid of them. 

Good things

So after the second night of taking my new tablet I’ve had another good day. 

I slept even better tonight and didn’t wake up at 4am and still seem to have the nice ability to wake up early without feeling drowsy. 

I managed to get through a six hour shift and keep my head together even though I felt very anxious and uncomfortable. 

Still been managing to socialise which is good. 

Also been having a lot of cuddles lately which is great. 

I’m surviving and having good days. 

Small victories an achievements 

 YAY 

New medication

Yesterday I finally got prescribed a new medication to help with my anxiety. It’s the fifth one I’ve tried so fingers crossed it works.

Last night I took my first venlafaxine and although I randomly woke up at 4am and couldn’t get back to sleep for a hour or so I don’t feel any weird side effects yet yay. (I’m aware it’s probably way too early to tell but with mirtazipine I was sedated after the first one – so this must be a good sign that I’m not) 

Feeling hopefully and gunna try really hard to stay positive and not let the panic attacks get to me! 

Every new day is a fresh start ⭐️