Tuesday

On Monday I was feeling empty and depressed and wrote a long blog post to process my feelings whilst walking to work.

It may be relevant that it’s that time of the month and I’m waiting for it which is when my emotions usually take over a little.

I had considerable brain fog during the day and felt emotional and overwhelmed.

Here’s an example; I cried about my sunburn because that’s an easy thing for anxiety to grab hold of. I felt guilty that it’s my fault I got it, that I’m not responsible enough to remember hats and suncream. I’m going to get cancer and I’m a bad person, I should never go outside in the sun again. That’s how my brain works.

The evening was good though. I came home to my wonderful partner and we chilled and did some paperwork stuff together – which felt damn productive. (Damn do they make that stuff hard, it’s a shame all applications can’t have he same process so you don’t have to spend hours editing and inputting information into the awkward forms) Then cooked a fry up for dinner and watched ‘The Hate U Give’ I have recently read the book and I loved it. I cried so much during the film as I empathise a lot. I think the film did an amazing job of showing the perspective and lack of equality within communities.

The ‘THUG LIFE’ concept was explained in the film, The Hate U Give Little Infants Fucks Everybody – the way society treats, judged and stereotypes the minority groups; people of different heritage, the poor, disabled, LGBTQ+ etc when they are young ends up biting back.

Experiencing things like this of various perspective through films, books, YouTube and conversations with people really reminds me of the privileges I have and all the things to be grateful for.

Today I got up and did yoga and finished a book in the morning. Took the gas and electric readings, started a new book, Ate breakfast and managed to prep a quick healthy lunch before leaving.

I’ve just written this whilst walking to work as a distraction from my uncomfortable anxious feeling walking against lots of incoming traffic and struggling to keep my breathing even. It helped.

So one day started bad and one day started good.

You’re feelings are valid but they aren’t forever. Now I just need to breathe and drink some water for a few minutes.